Leave the pieces

By the Wreckers

You're not sure that you love me

But you're not sure enough to let me go

Baby it ain't fair you know

to just keep me hangin' 'round

You say you don't wanna hurt me

Don't want to see my tears

So why the hell are you still standing here

Just watching me drown

And it's alright, I'll be fine

Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine

So just leave the pieces when you go

You can drag out the heartache

Baby you can make it quick

Really get it over with

And just let me move on

You not making up your mind

Is killing me and wasting time

I need so much more than that

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

So yeah, my life is so way over now!  Found out my husband of 15 years has admitted to cheating on me.  I called his whore and told her she could have him his sorry ass is all hers.  I also called her a whore cuz she knew he was married.  Don't get me wrong, he is to blame and I have let him have it, but she knew also going into this shit.  I really don't know what to do as now I am a mother with two kids and no job or training what-so-ever.  I can't do it alone and I will not let him in my life, so don't you all start freaking out on me about that.  I know where he is in my life, NOWHERE!  I told him even if we were to work things out, there is no way in hell he is ever touching me or having sex with me again.  I don't want sloppy second whore shit on me!  Apparently she calls him and texts' him ALOT and they talk for an hour or more at times.  I know this cuz I get the bill and I see.  Like I wasn't going to figure that one out!  DUH DOIE!  I am not as stupid as all that.  There was even a call at 3AM and he even called her on Halloween when I was out but get this my daughter heard everything.  What a MF no?  I really do not love him anymore, well actually, I do love him, I just am NOT in love with him.  I came to that realization years ago, but now the love is fading fast.  I really don't know what I am going to do. 

Well I best get going...just had to get that off my mind a little!

J.

Yes, you got it right...holy hannah barberra...Today I have officially been married for 15 years.  It has been quite a long journey.  Really it has.  I am so worn out.  To make me feel better I went and bought myself a gift(hubby and I both forgot so I will buy my own and he can get his own).  I bought myself the new UGG La Jolla boots.  They are soooooo cute and they cost hubby a fortune which makes it all better.  They were $148...EEEEKKKKSSS, huh?  I so way deserve it though.

It has been three weeks and two days since my mothers' passing.  I am so worn out from it all I just want to go away for a long time and not deal with people.  I have not thought about the naughty thing Shelly, I know you were worried about it.  Like I said life is short to  do bad things like that.  The glass is half empty...then drink the damn water!!!  I still cry everyday at night before bed cuz that is when I am relaxing and not thinking about the days crap!   Sleep has not been good but Tylenol PM really is wonderful!

Hubby went back to work on Tuesday.  The vote was great.  The guys that weren't there the first time actually were there and voted NO!!!  Yeah the strike is over, now it will only take 5 months to catch up on everything.  Besides, I was so way sick of him here all day long and whining like a baby!lol

I have decided to have a Halloween party this Saturday!  What have I done?  So I have been busy cleaning and cooking.  Today I made homemade caremal apples, chocolate pumpkin suckers and popcorn balls.  I made cookies yesterday.  I have to finish cleaning and decorating tomorrow and all I will have to do Saturday  is cook the sloppy joes, lil smokies in bbq sauce and lil smokies   wrapped in biscuity stuff.  I am also making bbq drumsticks.  I think I will just buy the salads at the deli so that will save time as well.  I cordially invite you all to come!  You are only allowed in the house if you are in costume!  lol 

Shelly, I am getting some money soon and I would like to come and visit you this summer if you can handle it!  I just need a nice hotel to stay at.  Let me know when you are off of school!  I need to get away, you know!?

I have been sick for the last week or so and it is driving me crazy that I cannot breathe through my nose and if I breathe through my mouth it makes me cough!  If I get the flu again I will just die!  Last time I ended up in the hospitol for three days...I think it was 2 years ago.  It was no fun puking all the time and a fever that would not go away...AWEFUL!!!  I got the cold from my nephew and he got it from pre-school...damn little petri dishes there!lol

OMG...a few weeks ago I bought a new Dooney and Burke Anniversary bucket bag in denim...so cute.  We had a few dollars laying around(actually I was paid for watching my friends kiddo).  I paid $214 for it but it is soooooo cute!  The wallet I want to match isn't going to happen soon...it costs $155.  Why is that?  The wallet is so much and the purse is not, you know what I mean.  Just like Louis Vuitton...the purse I want is less than the matching wallet!  If I ever win the lottery I will be buying so many  LV's.!!! 

Speaking of the lottery...I won $100 again.  I decided to buy a ticket on Friday the 13th and I won!  YAY, it really helped out since hubby was on strike and the next paycheck he gets is  not for another 2 weeks.  Wish it would have been the big one though.  I sure could use $145 million!

Well I have gone on and on and on and on so I will colse this.

J.

http://www.kxmb.com/video.asp?ArticleId=53116&VideoId=2173

http://www.kfyrtv.com/Video_6_news.htm

This is the news of how great the union is!!!

Thanks SW566 for helping us out!!!  Oh, my hubby voted NOT to strike BTW!!!

Just a quick note to those of you know about my mother and the battle with pancreatic cancer.  Today she lost that battle today.  Thank you to all of you who sent prayers and kind words...it meant alot to me and I will never be able to say thank you enough! 

Jackie

So, it has been awhile since I have been here to update, so I thought I better get to it.

Wednesday my mother had her chemo appointment but my auntie had to take her as it was early in the morning and I have to get my kiddos off to school.  I get out there about 10 AM and a then around 10:30 they  pull up in the car.  Now I am thinking to myself, why when I take her it takes at least three hours to be there...20 minutes for bloodwork first, then another 20 waiting ot see the doc then wait for an hour and finally 45 minutes for the chemo.  Well, I got horrible news.  The doc has stopped chemo...it isn't working anymore her tumor markers and billirubin have tripled since last week.  Oh shit, I know what happens next.  It wil take over fast and there will be no more time with her.  Pancreatic cancer is a VERY agressive cancer.  I know this as we all just went through this with my father-in-law a couple of years ago.  So, the doctor recommended hospice right away.  We had the initial meeting on Thursday and I lost it.  My mom was saying how she didn't want my sister and I to have to be so exhausted and I lost it.  I have thought about checking into a hospitol just to get a break.  It is so hard on me.  I don't think I have any online friends anymore and none here to talk with.  I just hate to bother people with my crap and don't need then feeling pity for me, which is how I feel some days. Not only do I have to be there with my mother all day but I have to care for my 3 year old nephew as well.  So I do that all day and then have to go home and try and function enough for my own family.  It is just so much and my sister just thinks she knows it all and says some crappy things to make me feel like shit.  What can I do?  Nothing, she is a bitch and always will be. 

The pastor from the church my mom used to work at came out today and we talked and I think I need to talk more with her so next week I am planning on going to her office and have a chat, just to get it out.  One nice thing is that when my mother gets on hospice, they offer free therapy for family members and I am going to take full advantage of that. 

My auntie came down yesterday to be at the meeting with us and it was great, I needed someone 'grown-up' there with me.  I still feel like a lost  little girl.  Having had my father pass away when I was nine and now my mother, it hurts so much.  My sisters don't even remember my father at all.  They were like 1 and 2.

Back to my auntie, she also helped me with my quilt and so now all I have left is tying it and binding it.  YAY.  I started another quilt just till I have my auntie down again.  It is so pretty.  It is a purple one...for my cousin who likes purple.  So that is going rather well.

I guess I have spilled enough for today, my eyes are tearing again and my migraine is sneaking its' way back so I best go...

J.

Well, what else is there.  My life is shite.  I am just exhausted from all thie crap I do for people and I find myself getting mad at people for no 'good' reason and I have got to stop that.  I have been seriously thinking of checking into a hosp. just to relax.  I am beyond exhausted, now I can understand why celebrities go check themselves into a 'facility'  for exhaustion.  So totally me.

Not much else new has been going on here.  My mother had me go look for new pants and shoes for her today.  Found the pants but no luck on the shoes.  She wants velcro ones so they are easier to get into. 

Bought the new Justin Timberlake cd and I totally LOVE it.  Was pretty surprised how good it is.  Last week I got a birthday gift in the mail from my aunti and uncle.  It was a movie called " My House In Umbria"  it has Maggie Smith and Chris Cooper and a few other people in it.  That was the movie that made me want to move to Italy.  I saw that way before I saw "Under the Tuscan Sun".  Funny thing about that  gift was that an hour before that ,I had bid on that exact same movie on EBAY not knowing it was going to come in the mail that day...lol.  Thank goodness I was outbid last minute. 

My auntie is going to come down on Wednesday to take my mother to her chemo treatment so I get a bit of a break(I emailed her how I was feeling and so she called me an hour later to check on me).  Then on Thursday she is coming back down  to help me finish my quilt.  I have two more I have started and if I get those done then maybe one for Miss Teri, Miss Shelly and Miss Angel.  I know I say that now, but I do have stuff for you all, but have been really busy at my mothers' house and all the other shit I have to do around here, I just don't have the energy anymore.  All the stuff I have promised you guys is sitting right over there in a few boxes....see? lol

Well, I have rambled on long enough and it is time to do laundry that is knee high.

Later...

J.

This week's Hillbilly Humpday Challenge is all about Television! We’re going to focus on TV shows (the names of the shows) that you enjoy watching or you hate watching. Either way. Just be sure to specify if it is a love or a hate! I think that the programs that people actually take time to watch and spend their precious time on, really says a lot about who they are and what kinda person they are. These can be shows from when you were a child that you watched, all the way up to present time! The only rule is, it’s a show that you’ve watched not one you’ve just heard of or your parents watched. So, choose carefully and good luck! These can not be names of movies. They have to be television shows.

A– Absolutely Fabulous

B- Bonanza
C- Cheaters

D – Deadwood
E – Entourage

F – Footballers' Wives
G – Get The Picture(really old school Nick)
H - Hey Arnold

I – Iron Chef
J – Jeffersons

K – Keeping Up Appearances

L – Law and Order: SVU

M – Munsters

N – Naked Chef
O - The Office(UK version)

P – Paulas' Home Cooking

Q – Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
R – ROSEANNE(most favorite)

S – So You Wanna Be A SuperHero(what the hell is Stan Lee "the Great" thinking?)

T – Teletubbies(hate now but watched it when son was little)
U – Unsolved History...not mystery
V – The View(though not now as it gets too sickening)
W – What I Like About You
X – X-FILES...yes I love sci fi
Y – Your World with Neil Cavuto

Z – The Zoo 

Wow, ok, so our weather was a bit odd yesterday.  We had 8 tornado warnings in one afternoon and it was a bit freaky.  I kept thinking...what and how am I going to get my mother to the basement in a hurry if need be.  But it was all ok, we didn't have any that were by us, at least 30 miles away so WHEW!!!

Got my haircut today and it looks so much better.  I had split ends on my split ends...lol 

Went and did the shopping for tomorrow as it is my b-day and I have to do everything.  Hubby decided to invite a buttload of people over so yeah, I get to clean.  Nevermind I have a major cold right about now!  The nephew is spending the night.  Always something.  I will be 37...there I said it but I don't like it.

Went to Wal-Mart and bought the groceries as our grocery store sucks however they are now adding imported food to the aisles.  I bought some black cherry jam from Germany.  Anyhoo-I found this stuff I have been wanting so badly to try and they(W.M.) had it.  It is NUTELLA...a chocolate hazlenut spread.  They call it the Italian version of peanut butter and you know what...it is GOOOOOOD!!!  Also bought some Romaine lettuce as that is the only real lettuce!!lol  I even bought some parsley, cilantro and mozzerella(real mozerella not the KRAFT crap) Italian bread, and a few other things for tomorrow.

Well, the son is home from work and so I best get supper going.  Talk with you all tomorrow and have a great weekend if I don't talk with ya!!!

J.

Got this from Miss Shelly...I know a day late and all but I did do it today as I had the time.  I may not have followed the directions well but I tried.  Love ya Shell...

For today’s Hillbilly Humpday Challenge, we’re going to the Islands! Any Islands you want! Your mission, should you so choose to accept it, is to list items you would want with you if you were on an Island for 2 years, at the least. In this list, you can only have a total of 5 people, the rest of the list should be items. Be specific! Do not put “Food” for “F”. You must be specific! You may use celebrities, but they will count as part of your 5 people. Assume that the island only has a building for you to live in. The building is empty. As a treat, your clothes (feminine products, shirts, pants, capris, bras, panties, boxers, etc) are a gimme. You can have 1 fruit, 1 veggie, 1 meat, 1 dairy 1 drink and 1 treat listed! Good luck!

A – Aspirin

B – Beer-gotta have some fun!

C – Cow-for milk and meat if it came to that...

D – Dawn dish soap for cleaning dishes

E – Eggs. I’d have to have some eggs.
F – Friends-I need friends with me to enjoy it all
G – Gun for protection

H - Horse for the wagon

I – Ink to write letters

J – Jackets.
K – Kite
L – Lotion-suntan lotion that is...

M – Matches! Need those to make a fire to cook!
N – Needles to sew clothes or shoes

O – Orville Redenbacher(SP?) popping corn

P - Papaer to use the "Q" answer

Q – Quill pen to write letters

R – Rib-eye steak

S - Seeds to plant the garden

T – Tools

U – Uncle-I need someone to build my hut!

V – Violets-to plant in the garden

W – Wagon for my horse to carry the fruit and veggies from my garden

X – Xylophone to play music with-what else would I do?

Y – Yak-to help dig up the garden
Z – Zingers-I used to like them but I can't think of any other z things...